Riley Gaines Places Fifth in Riley Gaines Lookalike Contest
GALATIN, Tenn. — Right-wing activist Riley Gaines took to social media to criticize the judges and participants of a Riley Gaines Lookalike Contest in which she only placed fifth, event organizers have confirmed. “No, no, no, this isn’t fair! I totally…
We Sat Down With Batman, Who Opened Up About His Rabies Diagnosis
Who wouldn’t want to be Batman? He’s rich, revered, and so handsome he makes a young Michael look like throw up and Ben Affleck look like Casey Affleck. But Batman has problems. The biggest one is rabies. On Monday, Bruce Wayne spoke out for the first…
Trump Boasts Tariffs A Huge Success At Making Things Expensive
WASHINGTON—Touting the enormous impact his trade policy has had on the economy, President Donald Trump boasted in a speech Monday that the tariffs he had imposed on goods from other countries had proven highly successful at making things more expensive.…
‘I’ll Need A Gift Receipt,’ Lies Man Buying $270 ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Lego Set
The post ‘I’ll Need A Gift Receipt,’ Lies Man Buying $270 ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Lego Set appeared first on The Onion.
Voter Fraud By The Numbers
President Trump has made repeated claims of widespread voter fraud as a justification for changes to electoral and election monitoring systems. The Onion looks at key figures behind Trump’s assertions of election rigging. 22 States where voter fraud is…
Trump Slams The Beauty Of A Lotus Flower In Scathing Truth Social Haiku
WASHINGTON—Tearing into the sacred plant in a brief but devastating poem, a reportedly livid President Donald Trump slammed the beauty of the lotus flower Monday in a scathing Truth Social haiku. “PATHETIC FLOWER,” the president wrote in an all-caps…
FBI Investigating Suspicious Substance Sent To Congressional Offices
As it investigates a suspicious substance found in letters sent to congressional and election offices around the country, the FBI is urging recipients to exercise caution due to the potentially hazardous nature of the powdery material. What do you think?…
Poll: Majority Of Americans Still Go Bonkers For Amber Waves Of Grain
WASHINGTON—Underscoring the enduring power of a gorgeous, swaying crop to make Americans hoot and holler, a Pew Research Center poll released Thursday found that a majority of Americans still go bonkers for amber waves of grain. “According to our…
Trump Furious After “Pro Kings” Rally Draws Sparse Crowd
Nicholas Kamm/AFP via Getty Images LEXINGTON, KY (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump was reportedly “apoplectic with rage” on Saturday after a tiny crowd showed up for his heavily-publicized “Pro Kings” rally. An advance…
Help! My Coworker Asked for Horror Movie Recs, and Now I Have To Speak to HR
Hi! Not sure if anyone here in r/horror has experience navigating interpersonal workplace friction stemming from media recommendations, but I have a meeting coming up with HR, and any advice would be greatly appreciated! Recently I was in the Hobby Lobby…