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Home/Satire - The Onion/Joe Mazzulla Uses Claude To Learn Why Jordan Walsh’s Hair Like That

Joe Mazzulla Uses Claude To Learn Why Jordan Walsh’s Hair Like That

November 4, 2026

BOSTON—Praising the artificial intelligence tool for its increasingly important role in shaping his coaching decisions, Boston Celtics head coach Joe Mazzulla revealed Tuesday that he had been using Claude to investigate why Jordan Walsh’s hair was like that. “Hello, Claude. Please generate an explanation of the hair of the player on my team named Jordan Walsh. I’ve noticed that sometimes he has no hair at all, but other times he appears to have some little tufts of hair on his head. Please look into this matter and report back,” said Mazzulla, reading aloud one of 47 queries he had submitted to the chatbot about Walsh’s hair in the past 24 hours alone. “Does Jordan shave his hair off, or did it just fall out due to a disease such as leukemia Also, please look into the theory that he could be the brother or perhaps son of Charlie Villanueva. Once you have analyzed all available data on the matter, compile a detailed breakdown of what you’ve learned and provide suggestions for how I can best incorporate the findings into my coaching strategies. Thank you, Claude.” At press time, Mazzulla confirmed that after carefully reviewing Claude’s extensive research, he had reached the conclusion that Walsh was bald.

The post Joe Mazzulla Uses Claude To Learn Why Jordan Walsh’s Hair Like That appeared first on The Onion.

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