Five Planets Train Totally Snubbed While Writing “Drops of Jupiter”
If you were around in the early 2000s, you undoubtedly remember Train’s hit “Drops of Jupiter”, which was a touching power ballad written about frontman Pat Monahan’s late mother. As poignant as this subject matter was, we can’t help but wonder what our…
‘Chill Lofi Hip Hop Beats To Study and Relax To’ Playlist Inducted Into Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
CLEVELAND — The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame welcomed the YouTube playlist “Chill Lofi Hip Hop Beats to Study and Relax to” into its ranks, confirmed sources who thought it was about time it received some credible recognition. “This is for anyone who…
After the Bluenami
Ronaldo Schemidt / AFP via Getty Images Two years ago, after the epic shitshow known as the 2024 presidential election, the mainstream media rushed to declare Donald J. Trump a political genius and an unstoppable juggernaut. I had a different view. On…
What Kind of Mosh Pit Doesn’t Have a Baby Changing Station?
Ugh, are you kidding me? Come on, people, it’s the 21st century! When I came to this Anthrax concert, it was under the pretense that it would be run with some level of decency and decorum, and that the everyday plight of the child-rearing community would…
Stevie Nicks Reveals ‘Tusk’ Actually About Wanting to Beat Lindsey Buckingham to Death With Sharp, Phallic Object
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Decades after the release of the Fleetwood Mac album “Tusk,” Stevie Nicks revealed that the song of the same name is, in fact, about wanting to beat Lindsey Buckingham to death with a sharp, phallic object, confirmed sources who…
Gavin Newsom Commutes All California Death Sentences
Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) commuted the sentences of all 548 people currently on California’s death row, claiming “state-sactioned killing is incompatible” with our shared values. What do you think? “The state should only sanction murder outside our country.”…
Spurning Point, USA
The post Spurning Point, USA appeared first on The Onion.
Nation Grateful Russell Brand Rape Conviction Requires No Separating Art From Artist
THE NATION — People from across the nation are grateful that Russell Brand’s latest rape and sexual assault convictions do not require them to separate the art from the artist, confirmed sources. “We’re using the terms ‘art’ and ‘artist’ as loosely as…
Katherine McKnight and Mark Clegg
Surprise, surprise, the heavyset bearded groom is doing a black silicone wedding band. The post Katherine McKnight and Mark Clegg appeared first on The Onion.
Stephanie Poulin and Liam Shea
The bride and groom let all their friends know they have ice sculpture money Saturday. The post Stephanie Poulin and Liam Shea appeared first on The Onion.