Lana Del Rey, Husband Celebrate Anniversary At Gas Station Subway
DES ALLEMANDS, LA—Holding hands and giggling as they talked the part-time fast food worker through their sandwich order, singer-songwriter Lana Del Rey and swamp tour boat captain Jeremy Dufrene reportedly celebrated their wedding anniversary Saturday at…
We Revisit Trace Adkins’ “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” Because It Just Officially Replaced the National Anthem
Alright, by no means are we die-hard patriots, and we never really considered the “Star Spangled Banner” to be that great of a song to begin with. We certainly would have been open to changing it, but something about the recent bill passed by both the…
Police Insist They Wouldn’t Need Flock Cameras If Women Would Just Stay Where They’re Supposed To
OKLAHOMA CITY — Local police defended the continued use of Flock Safety license plate readers Monday, arguing the controversial surveillance network would be completely unnecessary if women would simply remain in the small number of locations where…
TBR’s Week in Photos
Senile Man Wanders Into UN and Gives 40 Minute Speech Michael M. Santiago/Getty Images Nation Saddened That Reversal of Press Ban Means They Will Once Again Hear Trump’s Voice Celal Gunes/Anadolu via Getty Images Putin Upset to Learn Trump Is…
Kash Patel Phished By Scammer Posing As Kash Patel
WASHINGTON—Despite carefully checking and double-checking the credentials of the man who reached out to him via email, FBI director Kash Patel was reportedly phished Friday by a scammer posing as FBI director Kash Patel. “First of all, he’s…
We Separated the Art From the Artist and Steven Tyler Still Sucks
Can you separate the art from the artist? When a creator whose work you love reveals a trait of character you cannot abide, is it ethical to continue consuming and admiring their work? It’s an age-old debate, and one that we here at the hard times are in…
FBI Hack Exposes Thousands Of Employee Records
A cybercriminal collective known as ShinyHunters claims to have breached the FBI’s online job portal and stolen more than 2 terabytes of employee personnel records. What do you think? “What kind of demented people want to know more about Kash Patel?”…
New AI So Realistic It Craves Death as Much as Workers It Replaced
SAN FRANCISCO — A newly debuted artificial intelligence from AI firm Misanthropic is already performing human work with sophistication previously believed impossible, confirmed sources. “Not only can Nopilot simultaneously do a million…
Baseball Analysts Call For New Stat Called B.L.E.P.H.
NEW YORK—Stressing that the sport’s existing suite of advanced metrics was no longer sufficient to satisfy their hunger for increasingly granular data, baseball analysts from across the country called Wednesday for the creation of a new statistic called…
Last Peach Of Summer Quietly Molds Over On Counter
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