Kash Patel Phished By Scammer Posing As Kash Patel
WASHINGTON—Despite carefully checking and double-checking the credentials of the man who reached out to him via email, FBI director Kash Patel was reportedly phished Friday by a scammer posing as FBI director Kash Patel. “First of all, he’s…
We Separated the Art From the Artist and Steven Tyler Still Sucks
Can you separate the art from the artist? When a creator whose work you love reveals a trait of character you cannot abide, is it ethical to continue consuming and admiring their work? It’s an age-old debate, and one that we here at the hard times are in…
FBI Hack Exposes Thousands Of Employee Records
A cybercriminal collective known as ShinyHunters claims to have breached the FBI’s online job portal and stolen more than 2 terabytes of employee personnel records. What do you think? “What kind of demented people want to know more about Kash Patel?”…
New AI So Realistic It Craves Death as Much as Workers It Replaced
SAN FRANCISCO — A newly debuted artificial intelligence from AI firm Misanthropic is already performing human work with sophistication previously believed impossible, confirmed sources. “Not only can Nopilot simultaneously do a million…
Baseball Analysts Call For New Stat Called B.L.E.P.H.
NEW YORK—Stressing that the sport’s existing suite of advanced metrics was no longer sufficient to satisfy their hunger for increasingly granular data, baseball analysts from across the country called Wednesday for the creation of a new statistic called…
Last Peach Of Summer Quietly Molds Over On Counter
The post Last Peach Of Summer Quietly Molds Over On Counter appeared first on The Onion.
The Paramount–Warner Bros. Merger By The Numbers
Despite a slew of setbacks, Paramount cleared the last major hurdle in its proposed acquisition of Warner Bros. when it reached an agreement to resolve an antitrust lawsuit brought forth by a dozen states. The Onion breaks down the key facts and figures…
10 Players To Watch This NFL Season
From breakout stars to aging veterans, these are the players most likely to define the 2026 NFL season. Aidan Hutchinson, Lions defensive end: After signing a four-year extension worth $180 million last season, Hutchinson should finally be able to…
Shy, Bookish Umpire Actually Really Beautiful When He Takes Mask Off
The post Shy, Bookish Umpire Actually Really Beautiful When He Takes Mask Off appeared first on The Onion.
California DMV Adds Highway Chase To Road Test
SACRAMENTO, CA—Saying the newly instituted changes better reflected the realities of modern driving, officials at the California Department of Motor Vehicles announced Friday that they had added a highway chase to the state’s standard road test.…