John Fetterman Cedes Title of Most-Despised Democrat to Haley Stevens
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Stating philosophically that he “had a good run,” on Sunday Senator John Fetterman ceded the title of most-despised Democrat to Rep. Haley Stevens. Read more
A Very Nixon Halloween
The Richard Nixon Foundation When you’re living in the dystopian hellscape of 2026, the monsters of Halloween provide a welcome escape. Vampires, werewolves, and mummies are infinitely less alarming than Stephen Miller. With that in mind,…
How To Beat the Sunday Scaries by Realizing Time Is a Construct and Being Unemployed
Sunday gets a bad rap, despite being the one day when it’s socially acceptable to be drunk in public at 10 a.m. because football is on. For many people, though, there is no escaping that creeping realization as the days nears its end that they’ll have to…
Disney Hopes to Improve Public Image by Switching to Free-Range Child Stars
ORLANDO, Fla. — Disney executives announced today they will be switching to 100% free-range, humanely bred child stars in an effort to turn around the negative image surrounding their live-action children’s television practices, confirmed sources.…