Tips For Increasing Your Fiber Intake
Social media has ignited a recent surge in health-conscious Americans trying to up their fiber consumption. The Onion provides tips for maximizing the amount of fiber in your diet: Scrutinize food labels for phrases like “gut buster” and…
Letterboxd Holds Seance To Ask James Dean His 4 Favorite Movies
AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND—Holding hands in a circle as candles flickered and water glasses trembled, employees of film discovery platform Letterboxd reportedly held a séance Friday to ask James Dean his four favorite movies. “Spirit of Mr. Dean, we’ve got…
TBR Cartoon of the Week
TBR welcomes the acclaimed Paul Karasik as a contributing cartoonist! A two-time Eisner Award winner, Paul has published work in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Nation, and The New Yorker. You can help support Paul’s work here.…
Six Flags Closes X2 Roller Coaster Due To Brain Injuries
Six Flags Magic Mountain permanently closed its famous X2 roller coaster due to a history of riders incurring brain injuries, with some resulting in death. What do you think? “You try selling a $27 fountain soda to someone with full cognitive function.”…
RFK Jr. Says Lethal Injections Failed Because They Contained No Vaccines
Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. argued that the two lethal injections failed because they contained no vaccines. “Pentobarbital alone is not a potent enough drug to stop the heart of a murderer. If you want to get the job done, you need at…
Dude Wipes Introduces New Flushable Khakis
CHICAGO—Touting them as the clean and fashionable solution to a common messy situation, personal-cleansing brand Dude Wipes announced Thursday its new line of flushable khakis. “Every guy knows what it’s like to walk around with a load in his…
Artist Profile: Madonna
Madonna took home seven awards at the VMAs on Sunday, making her the night’s biggest winner. The Onion shares everything you need to know about Madonna’s return to the spotlight. Age: Physically pains your mom to hear Biggest Hit: Goes on for a…
Sydney Sweeney, 200 Feet Away And Under A Space Blanket: Let’s See You Pervs Jerk Off To This
The post Sydney Sweeney, 200 Feet Away And Under A Space Blanket: Let’s See You Pervs Jerk Off To This appeared first on The Onion.
NBA Players Share The One Thing They’d Change About The League If They Were Commissioner For A Day
NBA Players Share The One Thing They’d Change About The League If They Were Commissioner For A Day As the NBA continues to weigh potential reforms, The Onion asked players across the league what changes they would make if they had Adam Silver’s job for…
Corn Maze Haunted Predominantly by Theatre Majors
SALEM, Ore. — A local, historically beloved corn maze at Briar Ridge Farms is receiving pushback from the community, who are complaining that the area appears to be haunted almost exclusively by theatre majors, confirmed sources. “Hey, I love theatre as…