‘Heated Rivalry’ Producers Tease Season 2 Arc In Which Ilya Diagnosed With Depression Only Blow Jobs Can Cure
TORONTO—Sharing new details about what fans could expect next from the hit series, Heated Rivalry producers teased Wednesday that Season 2 would follow an arc in which character Ilya Rozanov is diagnosed with a form of depression only curable via blow…
Loretta Parodi and Sam Alcott
The bride and groom said they knew they were perfect together when they both failed to get any other matches on Hinge. The post Loretta Parodi and Sam Alcott appeared first on The Onion.
Commuter’s Dream
This charming 2-bedroom is technically walking distance from the local train station, in the sense that humans are physically capable of walking 41 miles without dying. Reference #633879 The post Commuter’s Dream appeared first on The Onion.
Nation’s Smart Toilets Begin Counting Down
WASHINGTON—Announcing “60… 59…58…” through their waterproof Bluetooth speakers in a booming, robotic voice that horrified millions of Americans across the country, the nation’s smart toilets have begun counting down, sources reported Wednesday. The…
Poll Finds Majority Of Republicans Support Unions
A new Gallup poll found that 52% of Republicans support labor unions in spite of GOP lawmakers’ continued push to stifle union priorities. What do you think? “We can’t count on all bosses to treat their workers as well as Donald Trump does.” Jeff Whitt,…
Groom’s Wedding Vows Just Pledge Of Allegiance
The post Groom’s Wedding Vows Just Pledge Of Allegiance appeared first on The Onion.
The Reporter Who Nailed Kristi Noem
Michael Gonzalez/Getty Images I was saddened to hear that longtime South Dakota journalist Tom Lawrence died last month. I got to know Tom over the past two years as we bonded over a shared interest: Kristi Noem. As a tribute to Tom, here’s a…
Help! Nathan Fielder Still Doesn’t Know We’re in a Relationship
Put on a helmet and sit on the toilet because when you hear what I’m about to tell you, you’re going to get so jealous you will shit out your ovaries or whatever you’ve got going on there and pass the fuck out. Okay, here goes: I am Nathan Fielder’s…
Marlins Announce First 10,000 Fans At Game Will Receive Sandy Alcantara Bobblehead To Share
MIAMI—Calling the promotion an exciting and cost-effective opportunity to honor one of the team’s star players, the Miami Marlins announced Tuesday that the first 10,000 ticketed fans to arrive at an upcoming home game would receive a single Sandy…
More Men Receiving Shock Wave Therapy For Erectile Dysfunction
The number of American men receiving low-energy sound waves to treat their erectile dysfunction is on the rise despite little evidence to support its use, claiming the procedure increases blood flow to the penis. What do you think? “I never miss a chance…