Ew, Really? Apparently the Band From “Guitar Hero: Aerosmith” Actually Exists
Alright, get ready to have your mind blown. You remember those Guitar Hero games from about twenty years ago? It seems like you couldn’t enter a dorm room or sleepover without seeing one of your friends holding a plastic guitar in front of a TV, trying…
Cheryl Hines Worries RFK Jr. Not the Collection of Neuroses, Dangerous Conspiratorial Thoughts She Married
WASHINGTON — Comedian and actor Cheryl Hines nervously worried that her husband, Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr., was not the same collection of neuroses and dangerous conspiratorial thoughts he was when the two married,…
Agriculture Dept. Puts Trump’s Face On Soybeans
The post Agriculture Dept. Puts Trump’s Face On Soybeans appeared first on The Onion.
Health Speculations Swirl After Trump Slumps Over In Saddle Of Runaway Horse
WASHINGTON—Setting off a fresh wave of scrutiny over the commander-in-chief’s physical condition, speculations regarding President Donald Trump’s health swirled Tuesday after he slumped over in the saddle of a runaway horse. This afternoon the president…
Everything Finally Clicks For Man After Getting Diagnosed As Stupid
CARY, NC—Describing the experience as “a revelation,” 38-year-old Derrick Henard told reporters Wednesday that everything had finally clicked for him after he was given a diagnosis of stupid. “I remember googling the word ‘stupid’ for the first time,…
Tips For Detecting AI Scams
The FBI warns artificial intelligence is being exploited around the globe by criminals who use the technology for deception. The Onion shares tips for detecting AI scams. Check if the message is signed “Captain Robot.” Create a code word with…
Shawn Graham
Family and friends of Shawn Graham, 56, were shocked and saddened to learn that it costs $300 to submit an obituary to a newspaper. The post Shawn Graham appeared first on The Onion.
Trump Defends Natalie Harp After She Posts Nuclear Codes on Instagram
Kent Nishimura / AFP via Getty Images WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)— Donald J. Trump lashed out at critics of his aide Natalie Harp on Tuesday after she shared screenshots of the nation’s nuclear codes on her Instagram. National security…
CDC Successfully Eradicates Children
ATLANTA—Hailing its success as a major victory for the public health and safety of all Americans, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Monday that it had successfully eradicated children. The agency confirmed that children had been…
What Middle Class Looks Like Now
Finally landed the career of your dreams? Well, this dated, leaky 2-bedroom home is still all you’ll ever be able to afford because that’s just how things are now. Settle in and get used to it. Reference #830436 The post What Middle Class Looks Like Now…