Sandra Bullock Regrets ‘Practical Magic 2’ After Realizing She Could’ve Just Had Dinner With Nicole Kidman
BEVERLY HILLS, CA—Expressing regret over her decision to star in and produce the film Practical Magic 2, co-lead Sandra Bullock told reporters Friday that she should have just had dinner with Nicole Kidman. “Honestly, when the studio came to me and asked…
Trump Promises To Take $5,000 From Every American If Democrats Win Midterm
The post Trump Promises To Take $5,000 From Every American If Democrats Win Midterm appeared first on The Onion.
Wired For Performance: The Cutting-Edge Tech Of NFL Uniforms
Wired For Performance: The Cutting-Edge Tech Of NFL Uniforms Onion Sports examines the incredible engineering in today’s NFL gear. Explore the uniform in detail Musk Compound Map BUILT-IN RADIO: LETS COACHES FEED PLAYERS CORRECT RESPONSES TO…
4D Chess: Trump Prevents Future 9/11’s by Preemptively Destroying Nation
They say the best defence is a good offense. That’s why brave leaders like Donald Trump are always in attack mode, from bombing historic rivals like Iran to starting economic trade wars on enemies we never even knew we had, like those bastards up in…
We Can’t Remember if Steve Buscemi Saved People on 9/11, Died During 9/11, or Committed 9/11 but Here’s a Photo of Steve Buscemi and 9/11
For most Americans reflecting on the 25th anniversary of 9/11, thoughts turn to the victims of the terrorist attacks and what we’ve learned as a nation since then. As major cinephiles though, we are mostly focused on Steve Buscemi. Mainly because we know…
What To Know About The 2026 Emmys
The 78th Primetime Emmy Awards will air on Monday. The Onion shares everything you need to know about this year’s ceremony. Q: Who’s most likely to win? A: Taylor Dearden is a favorite for Outstanding Attempt To Hide You’re A Cranston. Q: What…
MLB Attempts To Increase Fan Engagement By Providing Ball With Emotional Backstory
NEW YORK—In an effort to deepen viewer connection to the on-field product, Major League Baseball officials announced Tuesday a new fan-engagement initiative in which every ball introduced into play would be accompanied by a rich emotional backstory…
Ella-Lousie Bauer and Aron Howell
The lovely couple could not afford the time off work, so they wed in eight 15-minute chunks over three days during their allotted bathroom breaks. The post Ella-Lousie Bauer and Aron Howell appeared first on The Onion.
Savannah Bananas Commemorate 9/11 With Solemn ‘Macarena’ Performance
SAVANNAH, GA—In remembrance of the lives lost on that fateful day, sources confirmed that the roster of the Savannah Bananas took to the field prior to Friday’s game to commemorate the 25th anniversary of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks with a solemn…
Boning Up
The post Boning Up appeared first on The Onion.