Tips For Detecting AI Scams
The FBI warns artificial intelligence is being exploited around the globe by criminals who use the technology for deception. The Onion shares tips for detecting AI scams. Check if the message is signed “Captain Robot.” Create a code word with…
CDC Successfully Eradicates Children
ATLANTA—Hailing its success as a major victory for the public health and safety of all Americans, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Monday that it had successfully eradicated children. The agency confirmed that children had been…
What Middle Class Looks Like Now
Finally landed the career of your dreams? Well, this dated, leaky 2-bedroom home is still all you’ll ever be able to afford because that’s just how things are now. Settle in and get used to it. Reference #830436 The post What Middle Class Looks Like Now…
High School Football Coach Has Good Feeling About New Player Called ‘Thunder Beef’
DANBURY, CT—Marveling aloud that he had rarely been so sure of an athlete’s unbridled potential, Huntington High School head football coach Michael McNeese said Monday he just had a good feeling about a new player that other kids on the team were…
Rockstar Leaks Worsen As Hackers Release Fully Playable Copy Of ‘GTA IX’
EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Sending the publisher scrambling to protect trade secrets related to the hotly anticipated project, leaks from Rockstar Games worsened Friday as hackers released a fully playable copy of Grand Theft Auto IX. “It’s heartbreaking…
What To Know About ‘Earle Meets World’
Influencer Alix Earle is the star of Netflix’s newest reality show, Earle Meets World. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the series. Q: Who is Alix Earle? A: Alix is a Gen Z content creator known for eating expired military rations. Q: I…
God Struggling To Remember Why He Made So Many Ugly People
THE HEAVENS—Scratching His head and rifling through His notes as He tried to recall His reasoning for the decision, The Lord God, Supreme Creator of the Universe, reportedly struggled to remember on Friday why He made so many ugly people. “I could have…
PBR Offers $20,000 Reward For Lost Beer
The CEO of Pabst Brewing Co. put up a $20,000 reward to anyone who could provide information that leads to the recovery of 1,602 missing cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon and non-alcoholic Old Milwaukee beers. What do you think? “Sorry, that PBR’s long since…
Home Heeled Advantage
The post Home Heeled Advantage appeared first on The Onion.
MapQuest Jumps To Top Of App Store After Refusing To Rename ‘Lake Ontario’
Legacy mapping tool MapQuest shot up to become the top navigation app in Apple’s app store after refusing to comply with President Trump’s executive order renaming “Lake Ontario” to “Lake America,” overtaking Google Maps, Waze, and Apple Maps. What do…