Voter Fraud By The Numbers
President Trump has made repeated claims of widespread voter fraud as a justification for changes to electoral and election monitoring systems. The Onion looks at key figures behind Trump’s assertions of election rigging. 22 States where voter fraud is…
Trump Slams The Beauty Of A Lotus Flower In Scathing Truth Social Haiku
WASHINGTON—Tearing into the sacred plant in a brief but devastating poem, a reportedly livid President Donald Trump slammed the beauty of the lotus flower Monday in a scathing Truth Social haiku. “PATHETIC FLOWER,” the president wrote in an all-caps…
FBI Investigating Suspicious Substance Sent To Congressional Offices
As it investigates a suspicious substance found in letters sent to congressional and election offices around the country, the FBI is urging recipients to exercise caution due to the potentially hazardous nature of the powdery material. What do you think?…
Poll: Majority Of Americans Still Go Bonkers For Amber Waves Of Grain
WASHINGTON—Underscoring the enduring power of a gorgeous, swaying crop to make Americans hoot and holler, a Pew Research Center poll released Thursday found that a majority of Americans still go bonkers for amber waves of grain. “According to our…
Weird Cleveland Browns Fan Has No Children On Team
CLEVELAND—Struggling to comprehend why anyone would voluntarily be there without a loved one on the field, sources at Sunday’s Cleveland Browns game expressed confusion over a fan who did not appear to have a child on the team. “Wait…so he just wanted to…
What To Know About Trump’s Russia Diesel Deal
In an effort to lower gas prices ahead of the midterm elections, President Trump agreed to temporarily lift sanctions on Russian diesel exports. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the energy deal struck with Russian President Vladimir…
‘Whalefall’ Star Stuns On Red Carpet In 40,000-Gallon Tank
The post ‘Whalefall’ Star Stuns On Red Carpet In 40,000-Gallon Tank appeared first on The Onion.
Sydney Sweeney Tells Scooter Braun She Open To Converting To B-List For Him
LOS ANGELES—Stating that it was about time they got serious about their future as a couple, actress Sydney Sweeney reportedly told record executive Scooter Braun Friday that she was open to converting to the B-list for him. “I really want this…
Trump Cancels Planned Livestream Of Jon Ossoff’s Execution
WASHINGTON—Calling off the event that some had labeled “controversial,” President Donald Trump announced Friday that he was canceling the planned livestream execution of Sen. Jon Ossoff (D-GA). “I still believe it would have been a strong deterrent for…
New Evidence Suggests Amelia Earhart Was Accepted Into Crab Society
NIKUMARORO, KIRIBATI—Claiming to have finally solved the longstanding mystery surrounding the missing aviator’s ultimate fate, a team of Purdue University researchers announced Friday they had found new evidence suggesting Amelia Earhart was accepted…