First Fully AI-Generated Feature Film Released In China
Sci-fi thriller Sanxingdui: Future Past, the first fully AI-generated feature film to receive a theatrical release, debuted in China, though ticket sales have been abysmal. What do you think? “Eh, I’ll wait until it’s forcibly implanted in…
Authorities Wait To Release Details Of Hiker’s Death Until They Learn Correct Collective Noun For Emus
ADELAIDE, AUSTRALIA—Refusing to inform the press or the man’s emergency contacts until they could nail down the vocabulary for the press conference, local authorities were reportedly waiting Wednesday to release the details of a hiker’s death until they…
Electric Chair Still Warm From Last Guy
The post Electric Chair Still Warm From Last Guy appeared first on The Onion.
Annabelle Opens Up About Struggle Of Being Typecast As Haunted Doll
LOS ANGELES—Discussing her craft in a wide-ranging interview with reporters, porcelain actress Annabelle opened up Tuesday about the struggle of being typecast as a haunted doll. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m eternally grateful to the Conjuring universe for…
Japan Enshrines Male-Only Imperial Succession
Japan passed deeply unpopular revisions surrounding imperial succession that allows only males to ascend to emperor, snubbing the popular Japanese Princess Aiko from becoming empress. What do you think? “You’d think a 1,500-year-old monarchy could get…
Should Food Cost More?
The post Should Food Cost More? appeared first on The Onion.
Scene That Took Stop-Motion Animator 120 Hours To Make Texted Through
The post Scene That Took Stop-Motion Animator 120 Hours To Make Texted Through appeared first on The Onion.
Most Of Woman’s College Memories Walking Home Crying In Halloween Makeup
OMAHA, NE—Admitting she recalled little else from her four years as an undergraduate, local woman Ally Biederman confirmed Tuesday that most of her college memories involved walking home while crying in Halloween makeup. “Pretty much all I remember from…
Panicked Kylie Jenner Accidentally Washes $50 Million Fantasy Bra On Regular Cycle
HIDDEN HILLS, CA—Muttering “Oh shit” as she realized her mistake, media personality Kylie Jenner was reportedly panicking Monday after accidentally washing the $50 million Victoria’s Secret Fantasy Bra on a regular cycle. “I was probably supposed…
Election Officials Warn That Ballots Tied To Stray Cat Unlikely To Arrive In Time
LANSING, MI—Urging the public to use the most reliable methods available to submit their vote, election officials across the country warned Monday that a ballot tied to stray cat would likely not arrive in time. “Unfortunately, finding a stray…