Pros And Cons Of Democracy
Even after 250 years of government of the people, by the people, and for the people, democracy remains a hotly contested topic worldwide. The Onion examines the pros and cons of self-governance. PRO Still has alluringly exotic hint of Greece to it Just…
Mother Stands Dead-Eyed Behind Child Explaining Anime Costume
JOPLIN, MO—With any interest or passion dissolving from her face the moment her son started to recount his favorite arc from the 2006 shōnen series, local mother Debra Carlisle was reportedly spotted Saturday evening standing dead-eyed behind her son as…
Rich Family Giving Out King-Sized Mattresses
The post Rich Family Giving Out King-Sized Mattresses appeared first on The Onion.
Anthony Davis Going To Halloween Party Right After Game
The post Anthony Davis Going To Halloween Party Right After Game appeared first on The Onion.
Scooby-Doo Retires After Taking Skydance Buyout
BURBANK, CA—Calling the decision “bittersweet,” Scooby-Doo announced his retirement Friday after accepting a voluntary buyout from media conglomerate Skydance. “While I’ve loved all the years I’ve spent unmasking villains with my…
I Won’t Let My Son Play Football Because I Don’t Want Him In A Bisexual Love Triangle With The Head Cheerleader And Team Captain
As a parent, nothing’s more important to me than my child’s health and well-being. So when a fellow PTA mom asked me earlier this fall when my son was going to go out for the football team, I was aghast. Tackle football? Are you kidding me? Not for my…
NYSE Opens Spirit Realm Stock Trading For One Night A Year
NEW YORK—Donning antlers and hooded robes as a fawn’s entrails were spilled onto the raised platform of the bell podium, New York Stock Exchange officials continued their annual tradition Friday of opening spirit realm stock trading for one night of the…
LeBron Shortens Commute By Having Xfinity Arena Helicoptered To New York Every Morning
The post LeBron Shortens Commute By Having Xfinity Arena Helicoptered To New York Every Morning appeared first on The Onion.
Host Apparently Committing To Dracula Voice For Whole Party
ELKO, NV—Admiring the dedication to character but growing increasingly exasperated as the night wore on, friends of local man Paul Dorsey told reporters Friday that he had apparently committed to doing a Dracula voice for the entirety of his Halloween…
How To Incorporate AI Into Your Daily Life
Despite the ubiquity of autonomous agents and chatbots, many Americans are still confused about how to make AI part of their daily routines. The Onion provides tips for using AI to your advantage. Use Claude to scan long, boring emails for important info…