Baby Painted Purple For Vikings Game
The post Baby Painted Purple For Vikings Game appeared first on The Onion.
Chump To Receive No Compensation For Rescuing Children From Fire
The post Chump To Receive No Compensation For Rescuing Children From Fire appeared first on The Onion.
Letterboxd Holds Seance To Ask James Dean His 4 Favorite Movies
AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND—Holding hands in a circle as candles flickered and water glasses trembled, employees of film discovery platform Letterboxd reportedly held a séance Friday to ask James Dean his four favorite movies. “Spirit of Mr. Dean, we’ve got…
Tips For Increasing Your Fiber Intake
Social media has ignited a recent surge in health-conscious Americans trying to up their fiber consumption. The Onion provides tips for maximizing the amount of fiber in your diet: Scrutinize food labels for phrases like “gut buster” and…
Unsupportive Parents Eat Crow After Son Makes It As Beetlejuice Impersonator
LOS ANGELES—Smiling to himself as he reflected on all the years his mother and father had discouraged him from chasing his dream, local man Aaron Traylor told reporters Friday that his parents had been forced to eat crow ever since he made it as a…
‘Digger’ Prosthetic Artist Recalls Grueling Process Of Having Tom Cruise Sit Still
The post ‘Digger’ Prosthetic Artist Recalls Grueling Process Of Having Tom Cruise Sit Still appeared first on The Onion.
Six Flags Closes X2 Roller Coaster Due To Brain Injuries
Six Flags Magic Mountain permanently closed its famous X2 roller coaster due to a history of riders incurring brain injuries, with some resulting in death. What do you think? “You try selling a $27 fountain soda to someone with full cognitive function.”…
NBA Players Share The One Thing They’d Change About The League If They Were Commissioner For A Day
NBA Players Share The One Thing They’d Change About The League If They Were Commissioner For A Day As the NBA continues to weigh potential reforms, The Onion asked players across the league what changes they would make if they had Adam Silver’s job for…
Sydney Sweeney, 200 Feet Away And Under A Space Blanket: Let’s See You Pervs Jerk Off To This
The post Sydney Sweeney, 200 Feet Away And Under A Space Blanket: Let’s See You Pervs Jerk Off To This appeared first on The Onion.
Artist Profile: Madonna
Madonna took home seven awards at the VMAs on Sunday, making her the night’s biggest winner. The Onion shares everything you need to know about Madonna’s return to the spotlight. Age: Physically pains your mom to hear Biggest Hit: Goes on for a…