TBR’s Week in Photos
Algae-ridden Reflecting Pool Renamed “Lake Trump” Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images Leader of Free World Renamed “Mark Carney” Andrej Ivanov/Getty Images Flock of Canadian Geese Take Massive Shit on White House Gary Bendig on Unsplash…
Stephen Miller Rushed to Hospital After Accidentally Stunning Himself with ICE Shock Gloves
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what was called “an experiment gone horribly awry,” on Thursday White House deputy chief of staff Stephen Miller tested a pair of ICE “shock gloves” on himself and inadvertently sent 380…
Trump Gets New Podiatrist’s Note in Preparation for War with Canada
Nic Amaya on Unsplash WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Demonstrating his seriousness about declaring war on Canada, on Wednesday Donald J. Trump obtained a medical note from his new podiatrist exempting him from military service. The podiatrist,…
What Would Molly Ivins Say?
Molly Ivins, an American hero. (John Pineda/Getty Images) The indefatigable Heather Cox Richardson keeps doing cool and surprising new things. Many of you have subscribed to her newsletter, Letters from an American, or have read her books, like Democracy…
Eric Trump Calls Lindsey Graham’s Sister Unqualified Idiot Who Only Got Job Through Nepotism
Mandel Ngan / AFP via Getty Images WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a blistering takedown, on Monday Eric Trump called Lindsey Graham’s sister, Senator Darline Graham, “an unqualified idiot who only got her job through…
A List of Foods RFK Jr. Says It’s Safe To Eat
Brendan Smialowski/AFP via Getty Images TBR EXCLUSIVE—The Borowitz Report has obtained the following official advisory from the Department of Health and Human Services: Here at the Department of Health and Human Services we put health first and…
Tommy Tuberville Opposes Contraception and All Other Polysyllabic Words
Drew Angerer/Getty Images WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Explaining his opposition to birth control, Senator Tommy Tuberville said on Tuesday that he opposes contraception and all other words with more than one syllable. “I see the word…
Susan Collins Challenges Democratic Rival to Pearl-clutching Contest
Kevin Dietsch/Getty Images WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Throwing down the gauntlet in her reelection campaign, on Wednesday Senator Susan Collins challenged her Democratic rival, Troy Jackson, to what she called a “live, televised…
RFK Jr. Spreads Conspiracy Theory That His Mind is Being Controlled by Total Idiot
Mario Tama/Getty Images WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it the “most shocking conspiracy” he has ever unearthed, on Tuesday Robert F. Kennedy Jr. revealed that his mind is being controlled by a moron. “I don’t know…
In Major Breakthrough, Israel and Hamas Agree that Kushner is a Dick
Leigh Vogel/Getty Images for Concordia Summit THE MIDDLE EAST (The Borowitz Report)—In what some experts are hailing as a major breakthrough, on Monday representatives of Israel and Hamas agreed that Jared Kushner is a dick. “We don’t…