Tommy Tuberville Opposes Contraception and All Other Polysyllabic Words
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Explaining his opposition to birth control, Senator Tommy Tuberville said on Tuesday that he opposes contraception and all other words with more than one syllable.
“I see the word ‘contraception’ and that’s a quick ‘no’ for me,” the Alabama lawmaker said. “Don’t know what that means. Won’t look it up.”
Proud of his consistent opposition to polysyllabic words, Tuberville said, “Immigration. Education. Vaccination. No, no, no.”
The senator said, however, that he would continue supporting one-syllable words such as guns and oil, adding, “Short words good. Long words bad.”
