The Perfect Replacement for Karoline Leavitt
Alex Wong/Getty Images The current White House has an impressively deep bench of liars. But it will be hard for Donald Trump to find one as prolific as that firehose of falsehoods, Karoline Leavitt. That’s why I decided to help him out. I’ve…
TBR’s Week in Photos
New Trump Airlines Offers Decoy Flights For Adventurous Travelers Giorgio Viera / AFP via Getty Images George Santos Named New White House Press Secretary Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call, Inc via Getty Images Catering Truck Loaded With Chicken The Borowitz…
Trump Regularly Hides in Catering Truck to Avoid JD Vance
Adam Gray/AFP via Getty Images WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump routinely hides in a catering truck parked outside the White House to avoid talking to JD Vance, Secret Service sources revealed on Thursday. According to the sources,…
Other Places the Secret Service Can Hide Trump
WASHINGTON—Building on their successful use of a catering truck to conceal Donald J. Trump after the recent NATO summit in Turkey, the Secret Service has drawn up a list of other places to hide the fearful president: TBR Question of the Day: Where…
Putin and Netanyahu Formalize Joint Ownership of Trump
Mikhail Svetlov/Getty Images MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—In what they described as a landmark deal, on Tuesday Russian President Vladimir Putin and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu formalized their joint ownership of Donald J. Trump. At a…
Experts Say Pentagon Has Used Up Its Entire Stockpile of Mascara
Jim Watson / AFP via Getty Images WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a worrying development for the US military, the Pentagon has exhausted its entire supply of mascara, defense analysts warned on Monday. The depletion of mascara reserves is only…
All the Reasons Tommy Tuberville Believes Abdul El-Sayed is a “Terrorist”
On Wednesday, Alabama senator and gubernatorial candidate Tommy Tuberville took to X to call Michigan Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed a “TERRORIST” and a “RADICAL ISLAMIST who will do everything he can to destroy America.” In a…
Iran Says it Will Reopen Strait if Trump Admits He Lost in 2020
Planet Volumes on Unsplash TEHRAN (The Borowitz Report)—In a major setback for Donald J. Trump, the government of Iran announced on Thursday that it would only reopen the Strait of Hormuz when he admits he lost the 2020 election. “The whole…
Worm Leaves Scathing Yelp Review of RFK Jr.’s Brain
Mario Tama/Getty Images WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In the latest rebuke to Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s tenure as Health Secretary, on Wednesday a worm who dined in the candidate’s brain posted a brutal review on Yelp. The…
Andy Beshear Demands to Know if Rand Paul is Brain-Dead
Maxine Wallace/The Washington Post via Getty Images FRANKFORT, KENTUCKY (The Borowitz Report)—Calling the situation “unacceptable to the people of my state,” on Tuesday Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear demanded to know whether or not…