America’s Greatest Inventions
America’s Greatest Inventions As they mark the nation’s anniversary, citizens are taking particular joy basking in the ingenuity, grit, entrepreneurial spirit, and work ethic that have made our country an unparalleled powerhouse of innovation. Here are…
Report: More Americans Opting To Be Buried In Unknowing Neighbor’s Backyard
BROOKFIELD, WI—Tracking a shift to a more sustainable and budget-friendly method of handling human remains, a report released Wednesday by the National Funeral Directors Association found that an increasing number of Americans were opting to be buried in…
Corn Named World’s Sexiest Plant
The post Corn Named World’s Sexiest Plant appeared first on The Onion.
Lewis Hamilton Figures It Probably Too Late To Ask Girlfriend Which One She Is
The post Lewis Hamilton Figures It Probably Too Late To Ask Girlfriend Which One She Is appeared first on The Onion.
Will Trump Running For Midterm President Help Down-Ballot Republicans?
The post Will Trump Running For Midterm President Help Down-Ballot Republicans? appeared first on The Onion.
Rockstar Announces ‘GTA VI’ Soundtrack Contains 10,000 Songs By Randy Newman
EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Fanning hype for its upcoming open-world sandbox game by teasing a copious collection of tracks from the legendary singer-songwriter and film composer, Rockstar Games announced in a press release Tuesday that the Grand Theft Auto VI…
Smoothie Shop Workers Not As Excited For Man’s Birthday As Marketing Email Made It Seem
ARLINGTON, VA—Saying it was disappointing to enter the smoothie shop and not be greeted by streamers or decorations, local man Ryan Hunter confirmed Tuesday that workers at Sweetgrass Juicery were not as excited for his birthday as the marketing email…
Late Uncle Remembered As Man Who Had Can Crusher In Garage
The post Late Uncle Remembered As Man Who Had Can Crusher In Garage appeared first on The Onion.
Timeline Of President–Press Relations
Interactions between the president and the free press have been central to the United States since the nation’s founding. The Onion takes a look back at key moments that have shaped the executive branch’s relationship with the Fourth Estate. 1803 Local…
Audubon Society Formally Excommunicates Penguins
NEW YORK—Condemning the semiaquatic seabirds’ heretical acts as an affront to the principles the organization was founded to sustain, Audubon Society officials released a statement Monday formally excommunicating penguins. “These flightless beasts…