Dad’s Driving Directions Hinge On Where Old Shell Station Used To Be

CHICAGO—Basing the instructions almost entirely on a mental map of his surroundings that had seemingly not been updated since 2002, local dad Kenan Volmer reportedly offered his children driving directions to their uncle’s house Thursday that hinged on where an old Shell station used to be. “So first you’re going to drive down Touhy Avenue, near that place with the good Italian sandwiches, and when you hit the old Shell station, turn right,” said Volmer, who further referred to the long-demolished landmark as located next to “you know, that church where that one cousin of yours was baptized.” “After that, take a left, then take two rights, and then go straight until you hit the shopping center with the old Circuit City. Man, I miss Circuit City. Then, keep going straight until you hit that corner where that cyclist got hit by a car. If you end up at a Costco, you’ve gone too far.” At press time, frustrated sources confirmed they were begging Volmer to stop talking about how cheap gas used to be at the Shell station and just text them an address.

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