Help! My Housecleaner Is the Little Old Lady From “Poltergeist”, and She’s Half-Assing Every Chore
Though my rent is so high that I can’t afford toothpaste, I recently hired the little old lady from “Poltergeist” to clean once a week. I’ve never seen the movie (I know, I know; it’s on my list!), but I had high expectations of Tangina based on the fact that she worked with Steven Spielberg. Alas, she’s got to be the worst housecleaner ever. She half-asses every chore.
Tangina has been here six times and has yet to complete one task. The floor is only ever partially mopped. Crumbs and cat hair are swept into piles for me and a dustpan to deal with. She makes the bed, but only one side, and it’s not the side I use. She will wash spoons but not forks, scrub plates but not bowls. When I noticed she was only vacuuming part of the living room, I offered the Roomba to make her job easier. She scoffed at it, said it was too complicated and too evil.
Which brings me to my next complaint, one I feel really terrible about because she’s well into her hundreds, but… Tangina is delusional. She genuinely believes that she’s doing an excellent job tidying up. Whenever she’s on her way out, she’ll look around proudly at the mess she’s only half addressed and say, “This house is clean.” She says this in a really freaky baby voice too that sounds like something out of a horror movie. Drives me crazy, every single time. This house is barely presentable Tangina, do your job!
It’s beyond obvious that Tangina isn’t working out, but she refuses to hear this from me. I’ve fired her a few times, but she refuses to hear it, just shakes her head at me like I’m a lost cause. I’ve even stopped paying her, but she insists her work is not done and that if I keep up this attitude, I will never get Carol Ann back.
I don’t have a clue who Carol Ann is. When I ask, Tangina scoffs at me and just points to the cluttered corner where the TV that came with the place sits, caked in dust, never to be touched.
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