Smiling, Unblinking Tom Cruise Just Wants To Know Why Nation Didn’t See ‘Digger’

WASHINGTON—Faced with a weekend of dismal ticket sales that ranked among the worst in the megastar’s career, a smiling, unblinking Tom Cruise calmly stated Monday that he just wanted to know why the nation didn’t turn out to see his new movie Digger. “Relax, I’m not gonna fly off the handle or anything like that, but I am just a bit curious as to why you chose not to see this film,” said a grinning Cruise, who leaned in closer so the nation could not easily escape his gaze and spoke in mild, measured tones as he explained that all he wanted was the truth. “Were you sick? Did you have other plans? I wasn’t made aware of these plans, but maybe you forgot to mention them. It’s totally fine if that’s what happened. I’d just like to know what you were doing instead of seeing Digger, that’s all. I’m sure it was more important than possibly my last chance to establish myself as a serious dramatic actor, right? Again, I’m not mad. There are still showtimes tonight. There are probably some right now, this very afternoon. Did I mention it was shot in VistaVision?” Cruise added that it would really be something if the poor box office derailed his Oscar momentum and then he began to laugh and laugh.

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