We Revisit Trace Adkins’ “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” Because It Just Officially Replaced the National Anthem

Alright, by no means are we die-hard patriots, and we never really considered the “Star Spangled Banner” to be that great of a song to begin with. We certainly would have been open to changing it, but something about the recent bill passed by both the House and the Senate and signed by Donald Trump just doesn’t feel right. We never thought we’d say this, but isn’t it kind of disrespectful to the flag? What does some creepy old hillbilly singing about how aroused he’s getting at the bar have to do with American patriotism? Nevertheless, it’s been done, so let’s revisit Trace Adkins’ “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” because, like it or not, it’s our new National Anthem.

Ugh. Right off the bat, we don’t like this song. Are kids going to be told to stand for this at the beginning of every school day? Jesus Christ, this country is so fucked. The sad part is, we’re not even surprised. After all, our Health and Human Services Secretary posts workout videos with Kid Rock, and our President celebrates his birthday with UFC fights on the White House lawn. Honestly, this song seems kind of high-brow for our once great nation, all things considered.

Fucking hell. “Lord have mercy, how’d she even get them britches on”? God, all the MAGA dipshits are going to be wiping tears from their eyes as they hold their Realtree trucker hats to their hearts at NASCAR events while this abomination plays. We’d be worried about how the history books are going to portray this, but let’s be real, they’re going to go completely extinct within the next decade. Kids will just need to show proof that they rented The Patriot on Amazon Prime to get their high school diplomas, which is fine by us. Let’s keep these Dark Ages undocumented.

Can we finish this retrospective now? Hearing Trace Adkins sing “got it goin’ on like Donkey Kong” once was torturous enough, but he’s done it like four times at this point. We get the gist of it, and we don’t like it. Anyway, DraftKings is taking bets on which .38 Special song is going to replace “God Bless America”, and while we’re not proud of it, we’re pretty sure we can clean fucking house on this one.

The post We Revisit Trace Adkins’ “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” Because It Just Officially Replaced the National Anthem appeared first on HARDTIMES.