Trump Offers Supreme Court $5000 Each to Change Mail-in Voting Decision
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Responding to the Supreme Court’s decision to block his mail voting restrictions for the midterms, on Tuesday Donald J. Trump offered the justices $5000 each to change their minds.
In a leaked phone call with Justice Brett Kavanaugh, Trump said that the 7-2 decision meant “I just need to find three votes.”
He told Kavanaugh that he was offering the money only to the four Republican justices who voted with the majority because “the three Democratic women are total losers who can’t be bought.”
In an effort to tempt Kavanaugh, Trump told him that he could spend “all five thousand dollars on beer,” but added, “It has to be American beer, Brett.”
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