PlayStation Fans Begin Building “Competent Sony Executive” Emulator
NEW YORK – A coalition of PlayStation fans, frustrated by the impending discontinuation of the console’s physical media, have announced they are in the process of building an emulator capable of replicating the experience of there being one competent Sony executive who doesn’t want to fuck up the entire gaming industry, sources involved with the project have confirmed.
“We’re in the early stages of building the SonyBro, but it already has a good foundation and should be able to run on any mid-range PC or base PS4. Right now, it can at least mimic pieces of a Sony Interactive Entertainment c-suite employee who came into the position from a creative background and doesn’t make decisions based solely on shareholder value. Getting it to rescind congestion pricing in the PlayStation Store will definitely be a challenge, though,” said programmer Will Tyson. “We’ve tested hundreds of game announcements and fucked up PlayStation ads from the 2000’s on it, and we’re confident by 2028, SB will be able to greenlight Bloodborne 2 and make PS5 backwards compatible with PS3 games. It’s a tough job, but somebody has to preserve executives who give a shit about doing things gamers have been begging them to do for years now.”
Sony was already preparing their legal team to permanently shut down the emulator project.
“Not so fast, thieves! This is our intellectual property, and anyone who has ever booted up one of our exclusives, when we still made them, legally agreed they would never replicate any PlayStation game or anyone on Sony’s payroll. We believe emulation hurts gamers overall by taking money away from the studios we were already planning to shutter for tax purposes,” said Sony legal advisor Rex Bellows. “Listen, we have heard the gamers’ complaints and are willing to make a compromise. If the emulator is shut down and y’all stop trying to mimic a Sony executive who looks like Kevin Butler and believes customers should actually own the games they purchase, we’ll throw you a free download of ‘Irritating Stick’ until we permanently delete it from the store. Sound good?”
As of press time, Tyson and several coders also began development on a “Konami Never Fired Kojima and Went on to Make Metal Gear Solid 6” emulator.
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