Health Speculations Swirl After Trump Slumps Over In Saddle Of Runaway Horse

WASHINGTON—Setting off a fresh wave of scrutiny over the commander-in-chief’s physical condition, speculations regarding President Donald Trump’s health swirled Tuesday after he slumped over in the saddle of a runaway horse. This afternoon the president was seen flopping languidly on the back of a spooked chestnut mare that bolted across the White House South Lawn, leading many to suspect his rolled-back eyes and lolled-out tongue could be an indication of serious medical problems not yet disclosed to the public. Watching as the frightened animal ferried Trump down Constitution Avenue and Secret Service agents sprinted after him, eyewitnesses said that at many points it appeared the president would have fallen to the rushing ground below were his feet not caught in the horse’s stirrups. According to medical experts, dangling backward off a galloping horse with one’s arms flapping around like a rag doll is commonly associated with poor health outcomes in men above the age of 55. Reached for comment, the White House issued a statement dismissing concerns about the president’s well-being and claiming that he had merely slid down beside the horse’s thundering hooves to practice an advanced form of horseback riding known as “upside-down style.” 

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