The Hard Times One-Step Guide To Quit Micro-Dosing and Just Take the Ride Like a Fucking Adult

It’s been over 10 years since micro-dosing—the practice of taking just a small amount of hardcore, mind-altering drugs every day to cure whatever self-diagnosed problem you have—broke into the mainstream. It is now safe to say we live in a post micro-dosing world, and it is definitely safe to say that world is a fucking mess. We’re not trying to say that micro-dosing is responsible for all the world’s current problems, but like, come on. Thousands of mediocre white men become emboldened into thinking they’re high-functioning 4d chess players and then Trump gets elected? You connect the dots. 

Fortunately, unlike most substance abuse problems, this one has a cure, and it’s a fucking fun one. If you or a loved one is has a problem with microding, or are at risk of microdosing, follow this handy step-bystep guide to get yourself well:

Step 1: Eat all the shrooms. 

Congratulations! You have successfully completed the quit microdosing program! Yes, it’s just that easy!

Now, there will be a slight adjustment period, and your sense of time is about to become seriously distorted so that adjustment period could feel like several days even though it’s only like 3-4 hours, but hang in there! 

You may notice the room start to spin a bit, but in a fun way, not in an ‘I’m too drunk” way. That’s normal. You may experience an intense wave of fear. That’s okay, because you can see it for what it is, a wave, and it will be followed by a wave of euphoria and laughter. You may realize certain Disney movies and other forms of entertainment from your childhood are “actually pretty fucked up when you think about it.” If so, consult someone also on mushrooms immediately. 

That experience you just had? It’s what’s called an “experience”, and it’s what shrooms are for. Shrooms are meant to give you a one-and-done little vacation from your own ego, giving you a new perspective on old hangups—something you can reflect on in the months to come and possibly inspire positive changes in your behavior and thinking. They are NOT meant to make you feel slightly cooler at work and make your nephew asks questions like “Why is uncle John always sweating and talking about angels?” 

Avoid mirrors, electricity, and heights. 

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