Susan Collins Challenges Democratic Rival to Pearl-clutching Contest
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Throwing down the gauntlet in her reelection campaign, on Wednesday Senator Susan Collins challenged her Democratic rival, Troy Jackson, to what she called a “live, televised pearl-clutching contest.”
“For the past 29 years, when there’s been a tough call to make, I’ve responded by wringing my hands and furrowing my brow,” she told reporters. “Looking worried is a full-time job, and an amateur like Troy Jackson simply isn’t up to it.”
Under the terms of Collins’s proposed event, she and her opponent will each be given “five tough questions, a string of pearls, and may the best clutcher win.”
Collins said she was confident she would win the televised contest, stating, “For the first time in my life, this is something I am not deeply troubled or concerned about.”
TBR Book Club Pick: The Nerd Reich
The Nerd Reich: Silicon Valley Fascism and the War on Democracy by Gil Durán is a TBR Book Club pick for August.
“This transfixing debut from journalist Durán investigates the antidemocratic ideologies espoused by tech billionaires linked to the second Trump administration…It’s an ominous look at an insular elite arrayed against American democracy.” —Publishers Weekly (starred review)
You can get the book at TBR Bookshop, where every purchase helps support local bookstores—and not a dime goes to Jeff Bezos.
