Timeline Of Foreign Spies In The U.S.

Throughout American history, nations of the world have engaged in espionage in an attempt to gain strategic leverage over the United States. The Onion takes a look back at key instances of foreign spies operating within U.S. borders.

1775

British guy hides in a tree.

1812

The cover of 40 redcoat spies is blown when they attempt to infiltrate the White House in a rigid shoulder-to-shoulder formation.

1838

Spy Ernst Gerhardt’s mission fails after he forgets which of the 39 competing states of the German Confederation he was from.

1923

The invention of the mustache and glasses combo revolutionizes foreign operatives’ abilities to pass undetected.

1962

Jackie Kennedy takes a broom to the colony of Soviets living in the West Wing attic.

1977

Russian honeypot gives up after six hours of listening to Jimmy Carter wax poetic about peanuts.

2023

A Chinese surveillance balloon enters U.S. airspace, distracting everyone from what they sent into the sewers.

2027

Alan Cumming activated.

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