We Went Undercover at a Furry Convention, Which Was Pretty Goddamn Easy What With All the Costumes and Shit
We here at The Hard Times are no strangers to hard-hitting think pieces that expose the full scope behind some of the greatest epochs and toughest questions facing us in these chaotic modern times. Naturally, our unrivaled zest for uncovering the truth led us to explore the much maligned and often misunderstood furry community, which, we’re glad to report, was incredibly easy. I think we can all agree that exposing the truth is way easier when you get to be heavily costumed and aren’t at any personal risk.
When going deep undercover, it’s not uncommon to prepare for weeks, even many months, to ensure you have the proper character traits by rote so as not to be found out by the group or subculture you’re attempting to infiltrate, and I’m thrilled to report that investigative journalism is a fucking breeze when you get to dress up like a horny squirrel. I mean seriously, these costumes are fucking expensive and cover you head to toe, or “tip to tail,” as they say in the furry community, I learned.
You guys, I seriously just walked right in. Nobody asked for anything other than the barcode for my ticket into the convention. It was literally that easy.
That shouldn’t take away from the severity of the sights I beheld. To paint a picture of the scenery, imagine if Watership Down and waifu pillow decided to plan a party together. I was surrounded by a bacchanal of people with clandestine identities hidden behind a thick layer of faux fur and potentially nefarious intentions. Or perhaps wholesome? I don’t really know. I just couldn’t believe what a breeze it was to just stroll into this place with nobody asking me a thing other than weird baby-speak questions or to have my picture taken with a sweaty grown man wearing athletic shorts and a stained Mavericks jersey.
We got so overwhelmed by how easy we were pulling off our “fursona” we actually didn’t do much investigating, truth be told. We were just sort of riding the high of getting away with it, and just sort of enjoying the show. We didn’t ask anyone any meaningful questions, we didn’t try to find the event organizers, honestly, we didn’t have much in way of a plan past “infiltrate the furries.” But like, seriously, do your own investigation if you’re curious! It’s mad easy.
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