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Home/Satire - The Onion/Record Executives Release Katseye For Daily Half Hour Of Yard Time

Record Executives Release Katseye For Daily Half Hour Of Yard Time

September 24, 2026

LOS ANGELES—Sounding a loud buzzer to signal that the pop stars were now permitted to leave the dance studio, Hybe x Geffen record executives were seen Thursday releasing Katseye for their daily half hour of yard time. “We make sure our global girl group members get a solid 30 minutes of outdoor recreation for every grueling 12-hour rehearsal,” said record executive Lenzo Yoon, who noted that the regular daily breaks gave the “Gnarly” and “Hootie Frutti” performers a chance to see the sun, exercise, and socialize. “Other than meal time, this is probably their favorite part of the day. They can smoke, pump iron for a bit, get something from the commissary—whatever they want, as long as they don’t leave our sight line.” At press time, Katseye member Megan Skiendiel had reportedly had her yard privileges revoked after Hybe x Geffen executives discovered her attempting to construct a shovel out of a microphone.

The post Record Executives Release Katseye For Daily Half Hour Of Yard Time appeared first on The Onion.

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