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Home/Satire - The Onion/The Paramount–Warner Bros. Merger By The Numbers

The Paramount–Warner Bros. Merger By The Numbers

September 25, 2026

Despite a slew of setbacks, Paramount cleared the last major hurdle in its proposed acquisition of Warner Bros. when it reached an agreement to resolve an antitrust lawsuit brought forth by a dozen states. The Onion breaks down the key facts and figures behind the historic deal to create a media behemoth.

3

Antitrust laws massaged

17

Saudi princes allowed to give network notes

6

Cardboard cutouts that make up the editorial oversight board

90%

Increase in probability that DoorDash driver once wrote an episode of The Pitt

54

Number of times per show that ​Jake Tapper will now be required to say, “We owe our prosperity to President Trump”

1

Psychosexual Bugs Bunny thriller coming soon to Paramount+

14 miles

Length of tube used to connect the two studios together

62

DVDs you shouldn’t have donated to Goodwill

0

New ideas

The post The Paramount–Warner Bros. Merger By The Numbers appeared first on The Onion.

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