Make-A-Wish Kid Spends Bulk of Pittsburgh Steelers Visit Being Lectured by Aaron Rodgers About Chemtrails 

PITTSBURGH — Local Make-A-Wish kid Dalton Kelley unfortunately spent the vast majority of his visit to Steelers camp being lectured by 42-year-old quarterback and conspiracy theorist Aaron Rodgers about chemtrails, confirmed sources. 

“See, the chemtrails are probably the reason he got sick,” said Rodgers while tossing a ball in the air to himself, instead of back and forth with the child who just beat cancer and wants nothing more than to meet and hang out with his hero, TJ Watt. “I bet his ‘doctors’ won’t tell him that. Has this kid been immunized? That could be another reason for his illness right there. What he needs to do is consume nothing but beef tallow for a month and avoid seed oils. That should fix him right up. Oh, and avoid breathing the chemtrail-polluted air as much as possible.”

Kelley, a Pittsburgh native who is a massive sports fan and spent 18 months fighting for his life, could not have been more excited for his day despite Rodgers sitting with him in the dark telling him to “exhale the diseases away.”

“I honestly don’t hate Aaron Rodgers, but he’s only been here like a season or two. I’m more of a Kenny Pickett guy,” whispered Kelley, who was able to sneak away from Rodgers for a brief moment. “I appreciate him giving me so much of his time, but I kind of want to meet more players and coaches. It seems like no one really talks to Aaron. It’s kind of sad. He also told me not to ever trust my family, and that one of them will probably end up embarrassing me by going on ‘The Bachelor.’”

Steelers General Manager Omar Khan announced that he will be signing Kelley to a “Steeler for Life” contract if the boy can tolerate Rodgers’ conversation topics. 

“It’s an honor and a privilege for us to host Dalton and his family here today at camp,” said Khan. “It’s people like Dalton who are the real heroes. He inspires me. He inspires us. The guys out there on the field would love to spend every day with Dalton. Unfortunately, I think I just saw Aaron taking him into the film room to show him the Zapruder film at different angles, so we probably won’t be seeing Dalton for another three to four hours, at least.” 

At press time, Dalton was seen trying to inch away from Rodgers, who kept telling the boy the moon landing was fake.

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