Is America’s Crummiest Political Dynasty About to Bite the Dust?
Welcome to The Borowitz Report’s newest premium feature, TBR Midterms HQ. Between now and November, we’ll offer deep dives into the midterm races you need to know about—and make a few predictions.
Today we’ll look at a state that’s crucial to the Democrats’ bid for a Senate majority: New Hampshire.
For a country that claims to be a republic, the USA has long been a sucker for political dynasties. But once you get past the Adamses and the Roosevelts, the families worthy of our reverence get thin on the ground.
Let’s start with the two presidents named Harrison: William Henry and his grandson Benjamin. Benjamin Harrison’s economic “policies” set the stage for the Panic of 1893, one of the worst financial calamities in American history. He could have saved the country much grief if he had followed the example of his grandfather, who graciously died 31 days after his Inauguration.
Then there were the Bushes. (I’m sorry to remind you about them, but for the purposes of my argument, I must.) Senator Prescott Bush of Connecticut spawned our 41st president, George H.W. Bush, who begat our 43rd, George W. Bush. As if reenacting a Greek tragedy, the younger George seemed determined to outdo his dad in failure. While H.W. drove the US economy into a garden-variety recession, W. presided over The Great Recession. And while H.W. led the nation into war, W. started what was, until February of this year, the stupidest military conflict in US history.
W.’s brother, former Florida Governor Jeb “Please Clap” Bush, got shellacked by Donald Trump in the 2016 Republican primaries, which might explain why his son, George P. Bush, failed to mention Jeb (or any other Bush) in a campaign video when he ran for Texas Attorney General in 2022, opting to praise Trump instead. Despite this extravagant display of obsequiousness, Trump endorsed his opponent, the oft-indicted Ken Paxton, who romped to victory. After four generations of elected Bushes, this particular national nightmare seemed to be over.
As for the Kennedys, the less said about their current representative, the better.
Given that scions of political dynasties so often embody the law of diminishing returns with disastrous consequences, it’s past time to put a fork in this pernicious form of nepotism. That’s why this year’s Senate race in New Hampshire is so important. Granite State voters have a chance to show their patriotism by plunging a stake through the most mediocre political dynasty in US history: the Sununus.
If you’re not familiar with the patriarch of this dubious clan, former Governor John H. Sununu, you’re not alone: neither, apparently, was Ronald Reagan, whose hilarious struggle to pronounce his name in a 1982 campaign ad is preserved for our entertainment in these epic outtakes:
