Dalai Lama Announces One-Year Residency Inside Body of Bruno Mars

DHARAMSHALA, INDIA—Touting it as an exciting limited engagement that would precede his next official reincarnation, His Holiness the Dalai Lama announced Wednesday that after his death he would participate in a one-year residency inside the body of Bruno Mars. “While I am proud to have served Tibetan Buddhism in my current body since 1940, I could not pass up the opportunity to inhabit one of pop’s most electrifying showmen,” said the Dalai Lama, 90, adding that the yearlong stint within the multiplatinum-selling “Locked Out Of Heaven” artist would be an opportunity to deliver his message of universal compassion with more up-tempo, throwback grooves. “I want to assure my disciples that as much as I might enjoy dwelling within a 40-year-old pop superstar, I will exit Bruno Mars at the end of my 12-month commitment. Don’t believe me? Just watch.” At press time, Bruno Mars’ career was reportedly in free fall after he asked a little boy to suck his tongue. 

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