Measles: Myth Vs. Fact

Vaccination rates of U.S. children have fallen beneath the threshold needed to maintain herd immunity, triggering measles outbreaks in many states. The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding the highly contagious illness.

MYTH: Measles is just a rash.

FACT: You’re much too comfortable with having a rash.

MYTH: The measles virus can linger in the air for two hours after an infected person leaves a room.

FACT: Only the deadbeat particles that have nothing better going on.

MYTH: There have been preventable measles deaths this year.

FACT: Those kindergartners were going to die one day anyway.

MYTH: The CDC is covering up a surge in measles cases.

FACT: They were going to surprise you, but fuck them for trying to create a magical moment, right?

MYTH: The best source for information about measles is your primary care doctor.

FACT: The best source for information about measles is an anecdote RFK Jr. vaguely remembers hearing at some point.

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