Bankrupt Kennedy Center Auctions Off JFK’s Skeleton

WASHINGTON—Saying dire financial circumstances had left it with nothing but the most desperate option, the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts announced Monday that it had filed for bankruptcy and would now be forced to auction off the skeleton of its presidential namesake. “Unfortunately, we have reached the point where we either sell off President Kennedy’s skeleton to the highest bidder or lose the renowned cultural institution named after him entirely,” said executive director Matt Floca, adding that the center was open to offers for the 35th president’s entire skeleton but would also consider selling individual bones piecemeal. “The skeleton, except for a bit of damage to the skull, remains intact and is as sturdy as one would expect for a man who died at the relatively young age of 46. This is truly a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to keep the arts alive in the nation’s capital and own a part of presidential history that you can proudly display in your very own home.” Floca went on to say, however, that the auction winner would be obligated to occasionally loan the skeleton to the Kennedy Center so that it could continue to be enjoyed by the public.

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