My Name Is Tendonitis, and Now That Your Life Is Already Falling Apart, It’s My Time To Shine

Hey, there. If you don’t know me, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Tendonitis, and now that your life is already falling apart, it’s time for me to make my presence known.

It’s not that I want to ruin your life, per se. It’s just that it’s hard to make a mark these days. There’s stiff competition. I mean, literally. Look at Frozen Shoulders. Never mind, stop looking at him. Look at me instead. My therapist told me to work on being comfortable with attention if that’s really what my goal is.

If I can be vulnerable for a moment, I know I’m not one of the more exciting medical issues, even within the soft tissue issue community. So I’ve got to spice things up by waiting until someone is crying their eyes out about their divorce and is on a PIP at work. It’s not because I’m evil. It’s because I’m motivated and creative. Isn’t that rewarded in your world?

I mean, look, It’s not fucking easy being me. I try to be fair, but I’m relegated to overly flexible weirdos and people who haven’t realized they’re getting old. It’s not exactly a dream blunt rotation. But I try my best to bring my A game every day. And I’m vilified for it.

Do you know how hard it is when your name only comes up in sentences like “Ugh, I think it’s just Tendonitis”? First of all, “ugh”? Second of all, “just”?! Like I’m nobody. Like I don’t spend more time with you than your loved ones. You take it as a sign of love when your friends know what’s going on in your life. Can the fact that I keep tabs and lie in wait until you are hanging on by a thread not be love, too?

I mean, I’m the only one who’s more interested in you now that you’re sliding into middle age and having eviction notices taped to your door. Is that not a beautiful thing?

Yours always, but especially when you’re crying on the bathroom floor because you have diarrhea and you don’t even have a job to call out from,

Tendonitis

PS. 

That ACE bandage isn’t gonna do shit. 

The post My Name Is Tendonitis, and Now That Your Life Is Already Falling Apart, It’s My Time To Shine appeared first on HARDTIMES.