Trump Claims He Was Falling Man

WASHINGTON—Saying America could frankly be more grateful for the enduring image he provided, President Donald Trump claimed Wednesday that he was the previously unidentified Falling Man captured midair in an iconic photograph taken on 9/11. “I was on top of the North Tower during the attacks, and after I rescued a couple hundred people, I had to jump because there were too many flames for even me to deal with,” said Trump, adding that he didn’t hesitate to leap from the 110th floor despite giving himself less than a 50% chance of survival upon impact. “There I was sacrificing myself—not Joe Biden or Hillary [Clinton]—and I wasn’t even asking for a paycheck. And it was so high up, you have no idea. When I was about to hit the ground, these large, tough guys caught me, and the first thing they said was, ‘It’s an honor to save you, sir.’ There was a firefighter, two coal miners, and one marine, but they all saluted me and told me this never would’ve happened if I’d been president.” Trump added that he had jumped off the top of the South Tower as well, but the nasty media didn’t bother to take a photo.

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