Ween Enters Mescaline Hall of Fame
CLEVELAND — The Mescaline Hall of Fame announced Ween as this year’s inductee, solidifying the band’s legacy, confirmed sources.
“We’ve wanted this achievement ever since we heard about it a few months ago,” flatly stated Dean Ween of Ween. “Credit is given where credit is due: Mesc is the secret sauce. Hell, I’m on some right now. It’s why we’re one of the few bands out here that has a song catalog that can function in countless genres and we’ve even developed a new genre called mescaline rock. How? Well, where most bands played it safe and wrote about love or breakups, we had the stones to write about mollusks. These creative steroids were not used in vain. Glad our work is finally getting recognition in the illustrious psychotropic world.”
Mescaline Hall of Fame judge Perry Blateley felt the choice of inducting Ween this year was simple.
“These young men have pushed the needle forward in regards to what intelligible art can be made on such a difficult-to-harness drug,” confirmed Blateley with arms crossed and dark sunglasses derailing any assumption of what drugs are coursing through his body. “Have you ever been so high your teeth feel like styrofoam? Or as if other people are talking through teeth that are styrofoam? Like, whenever they use the letter ‘V’ in speech and it sounds insane because it vibrates your whole body? Well, Ween has brought these audio sensations to listeners, all without fans having to take mescaline, puke their brains out, and develop a new technicolor God. True pioneers.”
Hallucination experts praised the news.
“The brave souls of Ween are the only humans I’ve ever had direct communication with on such a substance,” slyly whispered a spectre known as Hat Man, resident hallucination expert and former Mescaline Hall of Fame winner. “Their contribution has been immense. As a phantom seen when people overdose on Benadryl, I cannot stress the importance of Ween’s mescaline use in these static, criss-cross, upside-down, and sometimes reverse halls of fame.”
At press time, Mescaline Hall of Fame event staff have been maintaining the outdoor landscape to ensure fans have at least four inches of grass to anchor their bodies on this rapidly spinning planet.
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