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Home/Satire - The Borrowitz Report/Man With Severe Dementia Starts Calling Common Objects Different Names
Man With Severe Dementia Starts Calling Common Objects Different Names

Man With Severe Dementia Starts Calling Common Objects Different Names

September 3, 2026

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—An eighty-year-old man with severe dementia has started calling common objects different names, a leading expert in cognitive decline said on Thursday.

The expert, Dr. Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota Medical School, noted that the confused man had mistaken the names of major bodies of water and a prominent performing arts center in his city of residence.

The fact that the man has reportedly passed cognitive tests during his annual physicals means that “he is not getting the care he needs,” Logsdon said.

Calling the man’s dementia “advanced,” the expert said, “He must immediately be removed from any position where he can cause harm.”

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