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Home/Satire - The Onion/Grieving Widower Not Sure He’ll Ever Love Someone His Age Again

Grieving Widower Not Sure He’ll Ever Love Someone His Age Again

September 2, 2026

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—Tearfully admitting that he had been lost since his wife Linda died, grieving widower Anthony Greenwich told reporters Wednesday that he wasn’t sure he’d ever love someone his age again. “Linda was truly one of a kind, and no senior or even middle-aged woman will ever replace her,” said the 71-year-old, adding that after being married for nearly four decades, he just couldn’t see himself being attracted physically or emotionally to someone as old as she was. “There are so many amazing women out there, but Linda was the only age-appropriate woman for me. Deep down, I know Linda would want me to find a nice 40-year-old and settle down. Maybe even someone in her 30s, if she got along with our kids.” At press time, Greenwich said he knew his wife was watching over him when a series of young, foreign women began reaching out to him online.

The post Grieving Widower Not Sure He’ll Ever Love Someone His Age Again appeared first on The Onion.

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