Opinion: The CIA Torture Playlist Is Actually Pretty Good

So I was recently on the lookout for a new playlist to listen to while I’m doing chores or getting my workouts in, and I found one that suits me pretty well. It was only after I had been using it for a few days that I learned of its true origins. Apparently, it had been used on detainees held by the United States in places like Guantanamo Bay and Camp Cropper during the war on terror, which doesn’t really make much sense to me. To be completely honest, the CIA torture playlist is actually pretty good.

Seriously, what’s so bad about hearing “Click Click Boom” by Saliva and the Meow Mix commercial jingle in succession? Some may think it may be a good tool for extracting information from prisoners when paired with sleep deprivation and stress positions, but I just think it’s a great accompaniment to a long study session or drive to the grocery store. Every red-blooded American enjoys a good “Stench of Redemption” era Deicide jam, just like every red-blooded American enjoys the “Barney” theme song. Someone just finally had the good sense to put them back-to-back. I, for one, feel like the masterminds behind that should be lauded rather than scorned, but that’s just my two cents.

And it’s not just those tunes, either. Matchbox Twenty, (hed)pe, Dope…these are all excellent exemplars of late nineties alternative rock and nu-metal that anybody would be proud to include in their playlists, and not just racist American operatives who like to needlessly torture people with strobe lights and simulated drownings. The more I listen to this thing, the more I wonder what the ACLU was up in arms about. Maybe if they just gave it a playthrough, they wouldn’t have caused such a ruckus about the alleged psychological abuse it was inflicting on people. We all know ignorance breeds intolerance. 

So we can waver back and forth about the supposed harms that were wrought by this collection of songs until the cows come home, or we can all just agree that it’s a great playlist. If that’s not possible, I’ll just politely excuse myself from any future debate and listen to that one song by Drowning Pool on repeat. Who could possibly consider that to be torture?

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