Putin and Netanyahu Formalize Joint Ownership of Trump
MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—In what they described as a landmark deal, on Tuesday Russian President Vladimir Putin and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu formalized their joint ownership of Donald J. Trump.
At a press conference in the Kremlin, Netanyahu characterized the arrangement as “basically a timeshare.”
“Vlad will own him when he wants to reject peace proposals for Ukraine, and I’ll own him when I want to reject peace proposals for Gaza,” he said. “Everyone wins.”
By jointly owning Trump, the two leaders will also acquire stakes in over 200 Republican members of Congress, FIFA President Gianni Infantino, and CBS News chief Bari Weiss.
RFK Jr. Goes Medieval on Health
As Trump’s health secretary wages war on vaccines, Pulitzer-winning cartoonist Ann Telnaes and I take a look at some old-school remedies Bobby is considering.
