EPA Assures Public That Air Still Safe For Non-Breathing Applications

WASHINGTON—Claiming that concerns over pollution levels were vastly overblown, the Environmental Protection Agency issued a statement Tuesday assuring the public that the air was still safe for non-breathing applications. “The air quality is perfectly safe, provided it’s not being used for any sort of respiration,” said EPA administrator Lee Zeldin, who stressed that ozone, PM2.5, carbon monoxide, and other components of the U.S. atmosphere were “for external use only,” but nonetheless served many valuable purposes. “Currently, you can still use air to pump up balls, tires, and balloons. Just, please, do not get it in your lungs. For Americans who insist on breathing, we recommend limiting yourself to exhalation only. And if you’re still concerned, that’s what oxygen tanks are for.” Zeldin added that it was still safe for Americans to go outside, but they should take precautions to ensure the air never made contact with their skin or eyes. 

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