Grandpa Recalls Evolving Legs To Get To School

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—As he noted how coddled kids were nowadays compared with older generations, area grandfather Hank Hayes recalled Friday that when he was young, he had to evolve legs to get to school. “Back in my day, if you wanted an education, you had to crawl out of the ocean on your fins until you gradually developed limb-like structures that allowed you to move across land,” said Hayes, who added that unlike his grandkids, he’d had to wake up each morning at 6 a.m., flop himself from the sea onto a beach, and drag himself to class using nothing but his webbed phalanges. “Kids these days can just go to school without having to worry about predators, mass extinctions, or adapting their bodies to breathe oxygen as they lose their residual gills. But I worked hard to walk upright. I didn’t even have weight-bearing limbs until I was in college!” Hayes went on to state that even though they might not survive, today’s young people could learn a lot by experiencing natural selection. 

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