Entenmann’s CEO Announces He Happy To Share Donut Secrets With Chinese Spies In Exchange For Sex

IRVING, TX— Revealing his openness to disclosing sensitive corporate information if properly incentivized, Entenmann’s CEO Larry Dunford announced Monday that he was happy to share donut-related secrets with Chinese spies in exchange for sex. “I’ll tell you whatever you want to know: recipes, ingredients, how we get the powdered sugar to stay on, you name it,” said Dunford, stressing that he would jump at the chance to betray his family and company for a single erotic encounter with an undercover operative. “It’s all up for grabs if any hot Chinese espionage agents will meet me in a hotel room and have sex with me. I want this incredibly badly, so foreign intelligence agencies that want top-secret information on our coffee cakes or éclairs should have their most attractive asset email me at her earliest convenience. I’ll even reveal how we make our donut holes, which is actually way more complicated than you think. But again, she must be Chinese.” Dunford added that he would even be willing to send a USB drive of proprietary bakery information for a nude photo or two.

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