‘People’ Does Single Buddy A Solid By Naming Him Sexiest Man Alive

NEW YORK—In an effort to boost the local man’s self-esteem, People magazine reportedly did single buddy Dominic Johnson a favor Thursday by naming him the “Sexiest Man Alive.” “Sure, Sterling K. Brown or Alan Ritchson might have him beat in the looks department, but Dom’s a good guy, and we think he deserves to be happy,” said editor Justin Trexler, who touted the 41-year-old data analyst’s “steady job” and “huge, clean-ish apartment” as the man’s top selling points. “No kids, either. And hey, at his age, that’s not nothing. Sure, he’s no Hudson Williams, but he’s a good-looking dude, right? Right? I mean, he’s definitely one of the best-looking guys in our friend group. Come on, just say he’s sexy. The guy’s been having a really tough time lately, so just go along with it, okay?” At press time, People had released an alternate magazine cover featuring their recently divorced pal Matt.

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