The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Elizabeth Holmes
You Can See Everything, a documentary that follows Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes in the month before her prison sentence, has debuted to critical acclaim. The Onion sat down with Holmes to discuss what’s new.
The Onion : Can we get you anything before starting?
Elizabeth Holmes: I would love a glass of $12 million.
The Onion : How are you feeling?
Billy Evans: I’ll take this. She’s feeling great, thanks.
The Onion : What piece of media would you say is the most accurate depiction of who you truly are?
Holmes: Probably the show Monk.
The Onion : Have you lost a lot of friends due to your legal troubles?
Holmes: Yes. That is what happened. I did have lots of friends, but I lost them.
The Onion : Are you still in touch with Walgreens?
Holmes: I’ve been on hold on the phone with them for about 10 years now.
The Onion : Is there anything you think the public misunderstands?
Holmes: Theranos only used blood from stray dogs we lured to our dog abattoir; no one missed those dogs.
The Onion : Does your family still trust you?
Holmes: Absolutely. Don’t tell them I’m in prison, though. They think I’m on vacation in Jamaica.
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