Woman Sleeps Her Way To Top Of Family

GALENA, IL—Calling the woman a “desperate slut” who hadn’t put in a hard day’s work in her life, an anonymous source told reporters Monday that local mother Tara Grunsen had only attained a senior role in her family because she had slept her way to the top. “I hate to say it, but the sole reason she’s running this household is because she found a powerful man and spread her legs,” said the visibly annoyed individual, remarking that the 38-year-old woman had absolutely “zero qualifications” to be a mother and would never have had her three kids without some kind of “illicit sexual bargain.” “Seriously, everyone in this family works hard, but how is anyone supposed to compete with a woman who sleeps in the same bed as the guy in charge every night? Her title may be ‘mom,’ but we all know she didn’t earn it.” The source added that while other female family members remained single, childless, and spent hours toiling away for next to nothing, they at the very least still had their dignity. 

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