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Home/Satire - The Onion/Trump Promises Americans $5,000 If GOP Maintains Control Of Congress
Trump Promises Americans $5,000 If GOP Maintains Control Of Congress

Trump Promises Americans $5,000 If GOP Maintains Control Of Congress

September 14, 2026

President Trump promised a $5,000 “Trump Dividend” to every American adult should Republicans maintain control of both the House and the Senate after the midterm elections, which would likely cost over $1 trillion in total. What do you think?

“Yes, bribery is crucial to American elections, but we mustn’t forget blackmail and extortion either.”

Ezra Clay, Avocado Pitter


“Waiting to hear Chuck Schumer’s counteroffer before committing one way or another.”

Laurel Zimmerman, Unemployed


“Throw in a little Yosemite, and you bought yourself a voter.”

Alec Moss, Molecule Stabilizer

The post Trump Promises Americans $5,000 If GOP Maintains Control Of Congress appeared first on The Onion.

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