Nervous Mariska Hargitay Calms Self Down By Picturing Audience Brutally Murdered

LOS ANGELES—Taking a deep breath as she peeked her head out from the wings of the Peacock Theater, Primetime Emmy Awards host Mariska Hargitay reportedly calmed her nerves before the show Monday evening by picturing the entire audience brutally murdered. “Okay, Mariska, you got this, just imagine them all with their throats slashed,” said the longtime Law & Order: Special Victims Unit actress, closing her eyes and trying to imagine front row occupants Matthew Rhys and Keri Russell lying on the floor in a pool of blood. “Okay, that’s better. Jean Smart isn’t so intimidating when I picture her with her limbs sawed off by a sadistic sex criminal called the Bronx Butcher. Remember, it’s just a sea of nameless victims murdered in cold blood, not a room full of stars and executives you want to impress. Just go out there and do your job.” At press time, the technique had backfired after Hargitay imagined all the corpses laughing at her.

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